pray for me, for i am so helpless and alone
from prayer to saint jude, patron saint of lost causes
under a veil of medicines and labored breathing,
shades cinched in, no splinter of streetlight
labored breathing, tongue wheeze, thoughts
a veil of sickness
i felt the mattress shaking, bracing my arms
on the padding, holding it down. it was imaginary—
the mythology of california; a half-dream,
earthquakes rising from a sleep fever,
rising from a warm tongue of syrups,
tremors that were figments, made up,
the company i had then, when calling
out for lost causes.
as my 30-day practice, i’d like to write a poem in response to (maybe sometimes as an interpretation of) a line of a different prayer from a different saint each day. this is me trying to reconnect to/reevaluate/challenge/garner multiple meanings from/etc my catholic upbringing and the sorts of rituals i learned to internalize but later denounced. one hope for this exercise is that it’ll give me some material and/or a jumping off point for my next writing project, which i want to be an exploration of catholicism, lgbtq identities/politics, class, guilt, community rituals, place, etc.
i wasn’t the best at being consistent with this tracking-progress project, but i’ve decided to make it easier on myself. part of a class i’m taking called corporeal mercies and the queer poetics of embodied call and response invites us to create a 30-day praxis, in which we create a fifteen-minute daily writing ritual consisting of a call, which we use as a jumping off point for a quick poem (response).
to keep up with updating this thing, i’m going to post my daily writing ritual (unless too saucy for public readership).